Xuan Xuan's 5th Day in Pre-School

9/1/08 (Wednesday)

Same old story. Xuan Xuan told me that she doesn’t want to go to school today. She refused to wake up, refused to change, refused to go to school. This morning’s refusal was stronger than yesterday. However, I’m lucky enough to have an understanding girl. I told her that my boss is going to scold me if I’m late for work, she unwillingly agreed to go to school now as she doesn’t want me to be scolded by my boss.

Even though she had agreed to go to school, she is so afraid that she wanted me to carry her out from the car. The moment she’s out from the car she started to cry as she knew that I’m going to leave her soon. I was sad & was so heavy to leave her in the school but no choice. Xuan Xuan is really a good girl as she still allowed me to hand her over to her teacher. Ok, is done for the day…

When my sister called me about 8.45am, she told me that Xuan Xuan stop crying & is now doing her coloring. What a relief hearing this good news from my sister. I’m now able to focus on my work in view that Xuan Xuan is able to cope with her fear now. This good news didn’t continue long… My sister sms me at about 10.50am, the message said : “Your girl crying now.” Chilled send straight down to my spine. Why is she crying again?? This is already the fifth day of schooling? What went wrong? Where went wrong? What makes her cry?? What should I do now? To quit sending her to school or to continue?? I really really can’t bring myself to see Xuan Xuan with her wet red eyes & nose again. Oh No! Oh No! Oh No!!

When I called her in the afternoon she told me that she got 4 friends now. She told me that she gave 1 of her sweet to a crying boy & teacher praise her. *I gave her few sweets this morning & ask her to share with her friends, that’s the reason she has sweets. I still have not got a chance to verify this with her teacher, so not sure she is telling the truth or not*

When I get back from office, she told me that she doesn’t’ want to go to school again. I explain to her why children need to go to school. I insist that she will have to go to school on Friday. Big No from her. I don’t know what will happen on Friday. I am worry, besides worry is still worry as I don’t know how to deal with it!

I am so helpless & contradicting cause on one hand I want my Xuan Xuan to be stronger & independent (that’s the reason I insist that she will have to go to school even though she might not ready for it) but on the other hand I am extremely worry that if I force her too hard, I might develop an unhealthy perception towards school. How? How? How?